Wednesday, December 30, 2015

5th Annual Emperor Awards

Each year I highlight a few of the individuals who made my city and social media more interesting. For 2015 I was assisted by my illustrious crew: Jolene GOTCHA, Meeshu Bono-Thompson, Kevin Black, and "Maestro of Memes" Josh Jordan - who made all the art for this piece.

If you find yourself in need of context, check out my Year in Review, which is loaded with backstory.

The 5th Annual Emperor Awards

Face of the Year: Maxi Glamour


Since Robyn Montague retired her "Dark Mistress" alter-ego, Janessa Highland has stepped up at St. Louis' grand villainess.
"I just call it like I see it. A lot of people don't like their words - or actions - thrown back at them." -JH

The teacup runneth over when Sean McCabe and former bestie Jimmy Eden had the catfight of the year over social media.  
Heartwarming Tale of the Year

Anthony Leon Reed was told his dog had been put down,
but when he found him there wasn't a dry eye in town.
Interview of the Year

Jim Weckmann's exit interview was the backyard BBQ that burned half the city down.
Volunteer of the Year

Many volunteers go about their work quietly and diligently, without fanfare. Such is the case for Dale Mathew, who walks dogs at Stray Rescue.

One fellow volunteer once remarked that Stray Rescue is so busy and has so many volunteers that it's hard for anyone to even notice your contribution.

"But the dogs noticed" Dale replied.
Hot Mess of the Year
Talent Scout of the Year

If you want to get discovered in the St. Louis area, Jill Moon Whitworth is a good person to know. She's always seeking out fresh local talent to feature in The Telegraph.
Best Comeback of the Year

"Nothing upsets the apple cart liking coming back from the dead." - The Emperor

When prolific internet troll "Michael Javert" targeted her business, Suzanne Jackson did her homework, eventually responding with: "I know where you live. You picked the wrong b*tch to f*ck with."

The Troll Slayer of the Year Award goes to
Suzanne Jackson

We all need an oasis from the drama, and Bar PM provides that much needed space. I don't know how Chad and James do it, but despite turmoil all over the city and a lot of drama right next door, they manage to run the friendliest and most relaxed spot in town.
Fashion Statement Award

Never one to rest on her laurels, theatre guru Joan Lipkin accepted her Ultra Award while wearing the most talked about dress of the year.

Jessica Leigh Foster came out of retirement to dazzle the Emerald Room at The Monocle. Inside she was greeted with a packed house of adoring fans. Down the block a bitter queen scrambled in vain to steer customers away with rumors of a $30 cover.

Best Encore of 2015

The Best Drivers of the Year Award goes to two of the local men who ran over the infamous Speedbump Sally.

Her son asks why her Facebook feed is full of shirtless dudes,Josh Jordan 's grindr complaints can alter her moods.
She comments on posts about glory holes,
Following Facebook whores is just how she rolls.
Kristin Ecker has the Sluttiest Facebook Friends

By no means is this meant to be an exhaustive list. I tried to avoid redundancy by not focusing too much on those I often mention, or on those who received shout outs in my book, Delusions of Grandeur.

This is just a fun way to let you know who's on or should be on your radar.

Thanks for a great year.